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Kiss the rain

I’m not sure which is more haunting, the music or the words that accompany it…

I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And I’m woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
It’s hollow inside
I never had your love
And I never will

And every night
I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Like I’ve always loved you
But how can you love me
Like I loved you when
You can’t even look me straight in my eyes

I’ve never felt this way
To be so in love
To have someone there
Yet feel so alone
Aren’t you supposed to be
The one to wipe my tears
The on to say that you would never leave

The waters calm and still
My reflection is there
I see you holding me
But then you disappear
All that is left of you
Is a memory
On that only, exists in my dreams

And every night
I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Like I’ve always loved you
But how can you love me
Like I loved you when
You can’t even look me straight in my eyes

I don’t know what hurts you
But I can feel it too
And it just hurts so much
To know that I can’t do a thing
And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know
That no matter what
I’ll always love you

I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And I’m woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
It’s hollow inside
I never had your love
And I never will

So why am I still here in the rain

Turn the page

Much like words upon a page
The past now written unable to change,
Like chapters in a book
Turn the page.

All great epics must be written
And we are each the author and character up the stage.
Write your future,
Turn the page.

Our friends and families,
Our trials, sadness and joys
All chapters in our stories,
Just keep turning the page.

The past now a part of you,
The future can be whatever you want it to be,
What is it that we will be?
Won’t you turn the page with me.

An interesting experience

So yesterday afternoon was round 3 for my lower wisdom teeth, the upper ones came out on the first visit without any real issue however I hit the anesthetic cap and still had feeling in my lower jaw so the attempt was postponed. After a few days I went back in for another attempt and after 7 needles into the nerve I was still happily conversing and after 45 minutes I felt another needle going in so my dentist put the stops on it as extraction would have been traumatic and recommended that I got for sedation and get knocked out for it.

Fast forward to yesterday and that was the events of my afternoon, went in and jumped on the chair and had a cannular put into my arm which took a few goes, 3 on the top and then switched to the bottom of my arm which went in thankfully first go and I then watched the white liquid make its way into my blood stream.  I was a little apprehensive around the experience as the last time I recall getting put under I was a little kid for my tonsils and adenoids and have read some stories of some very loopy people coming out of it so was somewhat curious as to what would take place.

Two thoughts occurred to me whilst watching it go in; The first as it was a white liquid was “My life for the founders” on the Jem’Hadar addiction to Ketracel White in Deep Space Nince. The second a tad more practical being I wonder how long this will take to kick in. Losing and regaining consciousness was not like typical for me; Usually I have some awareness before I am fully awake and it takes a bit to be fully alert and conscious when I wake up; This was like being turned into standby mode on a computer and instantly restoring to where I was once powered back on as the next thing I remember after that wasn’t regaining consciousness but being straight awake like normal and just asking the dentist if it was all done. I went from completely awake and conscious to completely awake and conscious with nothing in between and it was a rather odd feeling.

I was apparently going to be groggy and woozy and the nurse went to get me a wheelchair but as soon as she left I just stood up and grabbed my bag and put my glasses back on without any dizziness or crazy thoughts like I’m a uuuunicorn, duty of care however wouldn’t let me leave without being in a wheelchair so I got wheeled to the train station but it really wasn’t necessary. When I got home I engaged my usual method of dealing with illness or the need to recover being switched off and went to sleep, although I woke up a couple of times to use the toilet and take some pain killers the second time was pretty much a straight and solid sleep.

Woke up with a headache which would be due to not eating for a couple of days and my lower jaw reasonably aching, the headache actually bothered me more than the jaw. In the end it proved that I had nothing to be anxious about similar to my historical fear of needles; All I needed was a decent practitioner to help me overcome my irrational fear. I did end up hitting the cap on my health insurance so yesterday was $2,800 and left me rather glad that I didn’t end up taking a holiday last month.

A slight surprise

It seems that I walk more on a given day than I thought without counting trying to get any real motivated attempt at getting exercise or going out of my way for a walk. One of the features in the Samsung Galaxy S4 is its S Health app which is basically a health tracking app. It can count your steps as well as food, walking, workouts, weight and overall comfort level. I have had the S4 for awhile now but have only recently started out using the app to track my activity on a daily basis.

At the moment it is basically tracking my steps each day which for the most part is me getting up and walking to the bus, train, work and around the office and then the return journey. Currently have 3.5 weeks worth of data and the results were actually surprising. Each day can be somewhat variable as it depends on which bus I end up catching as one has a longer walk to and from home and where I go to get lunch at work either just downstairs or a bit away.

But based on the 3.5 weeks of work day data I apparently average 7,407 steps which equates to a distance of 6.19km walked and 513 calories burnt without me actually trying to do anything.

A reminder

I spend a reasonable amount of time on the internet and what I do on it seems to go through cycles, whilst it was almost exclusively used to play games for a period of time I haven’t really gamed for awhile now and these days it is mostly to research new things / read and keep in contact with friends overseas. I do a lot of random Googling, usually something will take my interest so I will Google terms associated with that but sometimes I wish to be surprised or learn and in these instances I tend to just quieten my mind and Google the terms that pop into my head.

Usually they aren’t all together surprising as they are based on something that has been in the back of my head simply coming up to the surface but other times they come out of nowhere which was the case for this evening. The random terms ended up leading me to a song by Enya, and the lyrics to which serve as a reminder.

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utulie (Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow’s call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utulie (Darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (Darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now.

Music has been a; well I wouldn’t say passion but a love of mine for quite some time. I have rather diverse tastes and don’t really subscribe to any particular genre but I have a great deal of respect for the written word as well as people who are able to play instruments they are both tools that when wielded by an artist are able to evoke thoughts and feelings in their target audience. Overall there are not many pieces that can bring me to wet eyes typically it is the realm of classical with a particular weakness to the violin and string based instruments. I have listened to it a lot over the years so I don’t usually break out the waterworks; Ocassionally though there is something new that can draw the emotion out from the depths of my soul.

Whilst modern music may tend to be soulless and regurgitation of senseless themes which sell there are still pieces out there which have the power to speak to us through the artists creations. This one for me serves as a reminder but also a message.

Perth Arena – Paramore Concert

Had an opportunity to get tickets to our suite at Perth Arena to see Paramore, they sounded vaguely familiar but wasn’t sure where I heard of them from but figured if nothing else it was a chance to get out of the house and do something different. Sadly the S4 when zoomed in doesn’t really do so crash hot on photos however the video came out pretty well. Unfortunately whatever encoding Facebook uses turns the video somewhat blocky the original source at least looks quite good and I was really surprised how it looks at 1080p on a big screen monitor.

Perth Arena lit by lighters and mobile phones

Perth Arena lit by lighters and mobile phones

paramore1

Overall as far as live performances goes it was actually pretty good. There are many bands which whilst sounds great in a studio really suck at singing live, or those that do sound decent live have virtually no audience participation in the show. There was a reasonable amount of participation in a lot of the songs, and with one of them an audience member got to come up on stage and sing with them. One thing that definitely earnt them points in my book was the message at the end of that song when the girl went back to the audience. You all should have one of these; You all have a voice and you deserve to be heard, don’t let anybody tell you differently.

A lot of people tend to just go with the status quo in society today, too afraid to speak up against things; or not wanting to rock the boat. In the end it is up to each of us to stand up and be counted when things take place around us that are not right and it is possible for one person to make a difference as has been highlighted over the last 50 years in the global society.

Show finished a bit after 11 and there didn’t seem to be many taxi’s around so thankfully there was only a five minute wait until a train back down to my area so I caught that; Down side being the buses don’t run that late in my area so I had a 4km walk home from the train station at about 12:15am however the world around us rarely disappoints and there was a beautiful full moon out and plenty of stars for me to gaze upon and dream about for the walk, was pretty tired so my pace wasn’t the best but at least it only took 5 minutes extra compared to normal getting me home at 1am.

All in all a pretty decent night out.

Protected: Making a Decision – Happy Birthday

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Sleep

Sleep from Thursday night to now has been somewhat of an elusive beast leaving me unable to actually reach a state of deep restful slumber which I could actually do with. Most of my energy appears focused on dealing with the remainder of the leech infection and cold that I brought back from Nepal the chest infection has for the bulk passed though I do still have a lingering cough but at least my sinuses and head are back to normal but even so a good solid sleep through would be great about now.

Dreams are not too uncommon for me once I actually get there if I can actually remember, but typically they are around scenarios, events or concepts that have been niggling at my subconscious and not actually people that I know, when they are they tend to be warnings around things going on and typically not unfounded. Have never actually dreamt about this person though and it whilst I cannot remember the overall contents of the dream from Thursday even after waking aside from who it was regarding and that it wasn’t overly good I hope that everything is alright in that regard.

I also have a new found respect for pregnant women morning sickness (well nausea in general) is not a pleasant thing, especially when you have no real control over it. Didn’t get much sleep when I finally crawled into bed on Sunday night for this reason, I really hate throwing up and thankfully I didn’t actually end up doing so but my stomach was certainly unsettled enough to warrant spending a reasonable amount of time being prepared to and generally unable to get to sleep due to unsettledness. No real identifiable cause as what I had eaten that day was pretty much fine and nothing out of the ordinary was just something that was there for the night to prevent decent sleep and instill me with respect for pregnant women having to deal with it on an ongoing basis.

It’s the beginning of a new week, new possibilities and I hope that everyone makes it a great one!

Balance

Everything in life is about keeping things in balance and as much as it would be awesome to only have good things it is usually balanced out by the negative as well. End of my first day back and I have a car due for a service, a $1550 bill from the tax department, a parking ticket, a low grade fever, hypertension is back has been many years since I have had a blood pressure reading quite that high and have to go for a nice range of blood tests and the like and I need a new mobile telephone. To finish up everything my leech wounds are definitely infected as evident by how they look and the low grade fever so a nice course of 2,000mg a day of anti-biotics for the next week.

To say this has been a particularly easy year thus far would be lying, I have been to heights of happiness to be taken down to pits of despair once more but this year I find myself more in control of myself and how I feel. There may be negative things that have happened in my life but there has still been wonderful memories and experiences and I have a mother that has once again beaten cancer proving that anything is capable through perseverance.

What I can say though is no matter what comes along I know that I have the strength to face it, sure some things may be an annoyance and I can think of numerous things that I would prefer to be spending my money on than what I need to pay out this week but it is only money and whilst at the moment I may not be in full health I will no longer just ignore things that need to be done in that regard as I had done for years which is why instead of waiting for the infection to fully take root and make me really sick I actually saw a doctor for a change.

Onward and upwards 🙂

Wonderwall

Well there is something I have not heard in a long while, Wonderwall by Oasis.

Rather good song, was one of my “favorites” around the time that it was “current” but like a lot of songs these days faded into the rarely played by mainstream radio (not that I really listen to the radio anyway lol) and I hadn’t heard it for quite some time. Was exploring north lake side and getting different shots of the lake from various points (would be awesome if there was a walking track around the thing but there doesn’t appear to be for the bulk of it having to deal with streets and then get close at points to take in the beauty of it, but I digress. Had just stopped into a bar and restuarant called busy bee to have dinner and when heading back to the hotel looking for a massage parlor on the way back there was a guy sitting at a table at a rooftop bar strumming away on a guitar and singing.

Wonderwall was his song, and he actually both played and sang it really well.

Kinda funny that every piece of music that I have come across here reminds me of someone, ordinarily I would take that as a rather blatantly obvious hint, and whilst there are a few things that I have taken away from them the fact still remains that the no contact was not my choice,  and I sure as hell don’t have the ability to change it as it takes two to talk otherwise it is just a man talking to a brick wall and I am past that stage.

All in all though pretty much everything that I have seen, experienced, felt and sensed whilst here has certainly made some things clearer to me and I think overall it was definitely needed