Monthly Archives: July 2013

Singapore 2008

Hong Kong November 2009

Singapore – Johor Bahru – Jakarta Feb 2009

Various Road Trips

Oh Stormy Night

It is a beautiful thunderstormy night tonight, and personally one of my favorite things.

This afternoon / evening was a work function which was a great deal of fun, in some ways a distraction but it is always good to get out of the office and get paid for it 🙂 But upon leaving there was a rather torrential amount of rain coming down, the streets and footpaths were practically rivers.  A lot of people don’t particularly like the rain in that it can be rather inconveniencing in getting to and from places and of course you can get drenched to the bone! Personally however I love it.

I had a 4.2km walk from the pub where we were to a train station, it would be rather easy to be annoyed at walking in the rain and getting drenched (which took about 30 seconds to get to the bone) but for me personally I rather liked it. We as a country have been far too dry lately, in touring our dams they are all rather low and we all require water for our daily existence it is a part of the natural order of life on this world, being angry or shaking your fist at the inconvenience is rather pointless, be thankful that we are actually getting what we need.

It is a basic force of nature and elements and it can wash away things that are no longer needed and allow for new life and rejuvenation, and in my case it is good for the soul.

As much as I may be a fire sign being Aries like many other things in my life I am quite contradictory I am most at home with water followed in close second by the element of air. And although I did get thoroughly drenched it was a truly refreshing walk through the rain with a smile on my face.

When in need

Many people cross our paths each day, some are fleeting and some make lasting impressions.

Sometimes we all need something, be it aid or just something to make our days brighter be it a Hello or a smile for someone looking down.

Whilst sitting waiting for my bus an older lady walked up and asked if I could please go to an atm with her and wait with her for a taxi as she had just missed her last bus.

She had been turned down already as it would make them miss their bus. I happened to also be waiting for the same bus.

My answer was of course, you need a hand you will get it regardless of if I miss my bus or not, it’s only time I lose out on and it is a beautiful and rainy night to watch go by.

As it turns out my bus was running late and I got to the shops, her a taxi and back in time for my bus.

Always be kind to strangers, one day you may be the one needing the smile or help.

State of Mind

Our existence on this world is short and each day we have is a gift. We all have trials, challenges and annoyances to deal with but we also have a choice.

Regardless of what may happen to cross our paths we choose how these things affect us and our attitudes towards other things and people in our lives.

It is too easy to get bogged down in things that really should not matter and we empower influences that we really shouldn’t.
Regardless of the bad things that may be present in your life let it go, regardless of how bad things are there is usually always positives that can be easy to ignore or take for granted.

There is enough pain and suffering in this world as it is, use the gift of each day to move forward and no matter how bad things may seem spate a thought for those who have it worse than you.

Conflicted

If there is one thing I hate it is being conflicted and confused. And in this instance it is even worse as my mind/logic and heart/soul are totally out of sync and I honestly do not know what to do about it.

In a lot of ways, I can be a very indecisive individual it can be one of my failings. I choose to sit back and observe rather than say anything a lot of the time and see how things pan out, and sometimes the things that I see and/or feel do not always make sense to me, and in dealing with them I often make them worse. There has been a pattern throughout my life, I have fallen into routines and habits many of which used to be self destructive and it took a great deal of time to work through my demons and fears, and come to the realization that I actually do really like who I am, the things that I believe, enjoy and they are worth standing up for.

Now I know I spent too long leaving things on autopilot and merely existing and not actually living; but in getting back all the things that made me who I am I am left here standing more confused and torn than I have been in the past.

The rational and logical side of me looks at the behaviours and sees the patterns throughout the years that when it comes to me I am too hard, or not worth working through things with. I know who I am, and that is a very decent person if you want to know anything about me, or why I think and feel the way I do about something all you need to do is ask and I will do my best to work through it with you. In this life we are all different; We have different wants/needs/desires around things and where our path will take us. There may be a lot of things I do not personally like, understand or see to hold value but to others they mean a great deal, take the time to explain to me why you feel a certain way/see things or place value in something I will listen, and even if I do not personally agree I will accept that and not allow it to become an issue.

We all have our things that we enjoy, that let our hair down and it’s really needed and is something I will always respect.

For the first time in my life I felt like I truly knew where I belonged, I was happy and I felt complete and I would have done anything to work towards making that work as it was important and holds value to me. But in all things important there are always more sides at play, and no matter how much you may want/need something you can never force it and in trying it makes you foolish. That said and done, if something is important it will be worked on by both sides there is no conditions or judgements there is honesty and communication.

Right now I am torn between fighting for something I truly believe could be wonderful; And a woman that I have always viewed as amazing and wanted to walk through the days of this life here with, but it feels like it is a one sided battle and I am not sure if I should really be fighting it. I also care enough to respect views it feels like what we had is not worth fighting for and I should just let you go and work on moving on with my life, the last thing that I want is to make you angry or push for something that simply isn’t real anymore.

Looking back there is a pattern, the same old song and dance continues to be done and both sides get left feeling bitter and angry and it is not good for either of us. The rational cold logic says this will always happen, and I should just let go and attempt to move on. But at the same time, I finally had who I have spent the last 14 years knowing I wanted to be with and it all has fallen apart and knew feeling amazing and happiness and I don’t think I could ever want to let go of those feelings and the time we have shared together.

What we have had I feel is wonderful and worth fighting for, there has been a rift that has formed between us but in the end it is one that I feel is worth crossing so that we may build something truly great together but I cannot do it alone. Words have never been my strong suit, I mix them up all the time but I will always do my best to properly explain and convey my meaning behind them, there will be things you say and do that I don’t like, but the same goes from me as well but I feel I am worth compromising with just as you are to me.

Some time away

My Country

The love of field and coppice,
Of green and shaded lanes.
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins,
Strong love of grey-blue distance
Brown streams and soft dim skies
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.

I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror –
The wide brown land for me!

A stark white ring-barked forest
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon.

Green tangle of the brushes,
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart, around us,
We see the cattle die –
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady, soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!

Land of the Rainbow Gold,
For flood and fire and famine,
She pays us back threefold –
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze.
An opal-hearted country,

A wilful, lavish land –
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand –
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

~ Dorothea Mackellar ~


A poem that I learnt in childhood that still remains close to my heart this very day; It describes the wonders and beauties of the land that I am lucky enough to call home in this lifetime. As much as I may like the modern conveniences that living in the city offers I most definitely am a country boy at heart, I feel most at home outside of the city surrounded by trees and the sunburnt red dirt of the land.

I have spent far too much time and energy wrapped up in things that have been going on in my life recently and it was time to get away from all the people of the city, get back to my roots and recharge. A weekend away was just what the doctor ordered.

For anyone that is looking for a good day out for a picnic, or place to camp I highly recommend Lake Leschenaultia; Located in the hills at Chidlow heading east entry is free for the park and aside from swimming and canoeing in the lake there are plenty of tables, covered areas and free barbecues. On top of the lake there is beautiful bush land surrounding it, with walking trails around the lake and into the bush. For camping, a booking is $20 and prices are $6.50 per person per night in 2 separate camp grounds, you receive a key to the park so you can come and go outside of opening times and they have power, cooking, laundry and shower/toilet facilities available definitely great value for a place to camp away for the weekend/longer.

893269_10151487924041143_1031276178_o

Got to spend a decent amount of time with very few people, explore some dirt tracks and trails in a mate’s 4WD and generally enjoy the silence, clean air and underlying energy of our bushland. A very grounding and revitalizing few days and it was just what was needed, and a stark reminder that I do need to get out to the land more often than I have in recent times.

Sitting back at home now, there is the electronics and buzz of life in the suburbs but I have brought home the peace and tranquility of the bush and am ready to see what new challenges and experiences the next week will bring.

Who we are

“Be mindful of the masks you wear, lest they become you”

A message from my past, that has been revisited somewhat in recent times.

In a lot of ways, I can be my own worst enemy; At my core I am an eternal optimist and in some ways I have viewed the world through rose coloured glasses. I strive to see the best in things both in situations and in people, even myself and the could be always tends to overshadow the what is I can become so focused on how I think things should/could be that I always seem to fail in seeing things as they are that I constantly end up shattered when they don’t turn out how they could.

I’m a very complicated individual in a lot of ways I have lived as a contradiction throughout my life and taken a lot of things for granted that I shouldn’t have.  In a lot of ways I have a great deal of knowledge but lack experience and wisdom when it comes to dealing with things.  We all come into life with lessons to learn and things to do, mine seems to be a need to stop being so idealistic and accepting of the truth of the situation.

As I look back over my life to date I haven’t been the best that I can be I freely admit it and it is a fact that has gnawed at me for years.  The world is a dark place filled with chaos when it could so easily be something so much greater and it makes me sad and miserable when I look at the pain, suffering and chaos throughout the world when it could so easily end if people just grew up and worked on things together we are all connected and part of the web of life on this world but we rape, pillage and burn our way throughout the ages as a society more often than not having no care or interest in the generations that will come and exist only for the ‘us’ and the ‘now’.

So the question is, in seeing the best that things could be and constantly being faced with the reality of how they are and being constantly disappointed then why bother?

The answer to that is simply it is who I am.

In my younger years I was happy, whole and complete. I was ruled by intuition and had faith and trust in how things would turn out, I’m the weird kid more at home out at a lake singing to the ducks, lost in a book or pondering and discussing thoughts of philosophy and science.  But in a lot of ways I was very alone, I saw the world differently to everybody else and had a great deal of problems relating to and understanding those around me; In a lot of ways I still do.

I saw bad things happen to me, those around me and the world in general and in this constant battle seeing what could be and being constantly slapped in the face with the what is I gave up and for me that was the worst thing I could do.

At first I didn’t want to face the reality of the here and now so I did my best to try and escape it; I have been suicidal, threw myself into books, video games and even alcohol anything that could blot out the reality of my life here.  Then I got angry at myself for my behaviour because I should have been better than that; I am better than that. But once again reality and how I saw things did not line up.

And in regards to myself, that was even worse. I gave up on me and believed I deserved the worst of everything in life because I was a failure. I gave up the last vestiges of the things I held dear to me.  I stopped thinking, dreaming, feeling, living and breathing.  I was dead and in my place was a hollow shell, a twisted perversion of everything I have always believed and stood for in life.

And the really scary thing, I felt I deserved it.

I became something that I was not for a period of time, I’m not proud of that but I accept it for what it was a lesson that I needed to learn and grow from as an individual.  For the last 4 years I have spent a lot of time throwing off these feelings towards my self worth, and have been clawing back vestiges of what made me who I am. I’m not perfect, but I didn’t deserve that.  There are a lot of lessons for me to learn in this life and this is probably one of the bigger ones for me.  There will always be challenges and things to face but what defines us is how we deal with them.  I expect perfection from myself, therefore I expect everyone else to have the same expectation from me but I’m not perfect, and you know what? That’s ok.

What I am is a stubborn idiot, that instead of realizing it and getting back up and moving forward I cashed in my chips and left the table.

I don’t care if I have issues relating with all the mundane and nonsensical things in the world, all that matters is that I be true to who I am and move forward in life with the reigns in my hands. I am a good, gentle and kind person nothing will ever change that; I’ll always fight to bring out the good in the world around me and work towards actually learning my lessons and moving forward in this life, I deserve nothing less.

I am a spiritual person and have a connection to this world that is important to me, when I was younger I took this for granted, things I could see; feel and perceive and over time as I walked away from this side of myself it felt like there was so much I was missing and could no longer see. I do not know what the future will bring, there will be challenges and bunps in the road but who I am, and what I believe are important to me and always will be.  I hold the reigns in my life and will not give them to another for anything.