Winterborn

There is a feeling deep inside
as dreary as a winternight
It darkens all my pride
and drives away the light

There is a feeling in my soul
it feels marooned and far too cold
I stand alone to face the wheel of time unfold

Darkness falls inside of me
and the sorrow’s growing day by day
And though my life’s a broken memory
there’s a door and there’s a key

Sorrow comes with silent tears
and the dawn still haunts my darkest fears
What have we both become throughout these years
There’s a serpent in all tears

There is a river in my dreams
that runs so wide, that runs so deep
And by its riverine
I still can hear you weep

There is a winter in my heart
so freezing cold and utter dark
It keeps me down and tears my sanity apart

Darkness falls inside of me
and the sorrow’s growing day by day
And though my life’s a broken memory
there’s a door and there’s a key

Sorrow comes with silent tears
and the dawn still haunts my darkest fears
What have we both become throughout these years
There’s a serpent in all tears

Darkness falls inside of me
and the sorrow’s growing day by day
And though my life’s a broken memory
there’s a door and there’s a key

Sorrow comes with silent tears
and the dawn still haunts my darkest fears
What have we both become throughout these years
There’s a serpent in all tears

~ Sirenia – Winterborn 77 ~


Sirenia is one of my favorite bands, I can’t think of a single song of theirs that I don’t like and this one in particular holds meaning to me as it serves as a reminder of a place that I never want to be again and that there is always a way out, if you are willing to work towards it or ask for help if it is needed.

We are more than the sum of our parts.

Many belief systems subscribe to a view of the continuation of our existence after death, or the rebirth into life anew so it can be said that we take experiences from the times we have walked before into our current life, and for those that do not we still collect memories and experiences as we move through our life but either viewpoint leads to a similar conclusion who we are is in part defined by our experiences and choices. Although to some extent I am a firm believer in fate and things happening for a reason this is also tempered by choice and it is our choices that help shape the world and ourselves.

The world itself is a truly wonderous place and anything is possible however it is also an intricate tapestry of light and darkness; order and chaos; good and evil; right and wrong and also us. Each of us is an embodiment of all of these things and the choices that we make are defined by who we are/our beliefs, the experiences that we have had and how we want to be and often it is easy to lose sight of this based on events that take place in not only our lives but the lives of those around us.

I am an optimist in regards to most things, experiences through my life however often tended to go to the other end of the scale and it was difficult to deal with seeing how things could be if people were just slightly different and actually worked towards helping each other rather than becoming more and more wrapped up in their own little worlds and over time it appears society has moved from help your fellow man to do no ill and finally to what is in it for me. It seems that we live in a world based on quick thrills and what is in it for me. It is also why I have a great deal of respect for organizations and some relgious people who have the strength to stay true to the tenants of their faiths and help in the greater world as they see that it is more than just about them.

I didn’t have that strength, well more to the point I didn’t think that I did and so I gave up. Given how important my beliefs and trust/strength of my convictions were to me earlier in life this was the start of an incredibly slippery slope downhill. Some things didn’t change I still tried to present that everything was fine to the outside world but inside I was dead and filled with sorrow, and although there were no tears as this song indicated there was still silent ones within and who I was and who I had become were seperated by a giant chasm that seemed impossible to cross, and I hated myself for being unable to have the strength to find my way across so I felt I deserved and sought anything that would further drown this.

But as in the song, there is always a door and in my case the key was actually rather simple it all boiled down to choice.

I don’t care if I fit in with the greater society or not, I will still trust and wear my heart on my sleeve as quite simply *that* is who I am. No matter the darkness that was within myself, or continues to run rampant throughout the world as a whole I will persevere because I am, and deserve better than that.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” – Franklin D Roosevelt

I chose to isolate and withdraw within myself thinking that I was alone and that no one actually cared, but the truth of the matter is I have never been alone nor will I ever be. Nor should anyone in this world feel that way in my opinion, there are circumstances that may make people feel that way but in each of us is the ability to be there for others that need it and even something as simple as a smile for a stranger can go a long way. There was a note from a man that committed sucide off the golden gate bridge stating “If one person smiles at me, I won’t kill myself” *be* the person to give the smile, you may just save a life.

β€œTo the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world.” ― Bill Wilson

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