Saturday – A Bad Day Internally

One thing I have noticed during my time in Lombok, I didn’t really get a lot of sleep there. My bed times were highly variable granted but I never really slept through to a morning after heading off to bed typically only a few hour long stints and occasionally another one earlier in the morning before sunrise however overall my periods of sleep were somewhat limited however thankfully they did not leave me feeling tired and I could get through whatever the days were bringing without any issues. The room has coffee making facilities so I made a drink and sat outside to enjoy the beginning of the morning before breakfast started and we headed down there.

It was quiet with just the sounds of nature around at the time and I felt completely relaxed and content just basking in the beauty of the sunrise and the island greeting the new day looking forward to what the day would bring and as I sat there gazing up the jungle covered hill next to where we were staying a thought popped into my head which unfortunately proved to set my mood for the remainder of the day and sadly it was not a pleasant one; *sighs* man, I think she would really love it here.

That one simple little thought left me feeling brooding and miserable for the entire day.

But as everyone was starting to get up and the day began for the world anew, those thoughts and feelings had to be buried lest I get no enjoyment out of the day. The day followed much the same pattern as the previous days; We had breakfast together kicking back and chatting about the differences between Lombok and Bali before setting out for a wander around. In some ways it was kind of pointless as we covered the same ground each day and not a great deal changes but it was good to get out of the hotel and wander around the tropical clean air and stretch the legs.

After about an hour and a half we dropped dad back off at the hotel and Heemi and I then wandered off to get a massage. We ended up deciding on a salon behind a warung (local eatery) called Orchid spa. Was a reasonable large setup with a lot of reflexology stations at the front to sit down and have your feet and legs worked on, some rooms at the back for the cream baths and such and a mezzanine above with the massage tables. We ended up deciding on a 2 hour full body massage and headed upstairs to the massage tables. I got my legs bent into various positions that they really were not used to, and that would be an understatement to say the least. When the massage began the small girl asked what strength so I figured I would go for strong… Throughout the entire experience the predominant thought that occupied my mind was “Sweet mother of god, how can a woman that small have hands with a grip that strong”?! At points it did hurt a reasonable amount; But as they say no pain no gain. Left there feeling considerably more relaxed with the ache in my calves worked out nicely.

Settled the bill for the massage 60,000 for 2 hours at a place that well equipped was amazing and the masseuses they hire are definitely well trained, although I will admit I am still yet to find a massage technique that is able to completely loosen my shoulders and neck typically only those who can work with their/my own energy tend to have much luck and it has only been a couple of points in my life that I have ever been completed de-knotted but I was certainly feeling more relaxed in that department than when I went in and my calves were in awesome shape. Another thing I like about massage places here compared to Bali, you walk in and ask for a massage you know what you are getting and don’t have to turn down additional services, however I am certain that such places do exist for those who go looking but when I go to a place it is not that muscle I am seeking having work done on.

 

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When we finished up with our massage it was raining outside, whilst not a massive downpour it was coming down at a reasonable rate. Thankfully right outside was the little warung that we walked past so we ducked straight in there and decided to have some lunch. They did freshly made fruit drinks for less than $2 and had a reasonable menu of basic western food and the local fare which I tend to eat whilst overseas so I ordered a nasi goreng which seems to be my staple dish having it at least one meal a day most days. ┬áThe food took a little while to prepare but was of good quality and serving sides, the nasi goreng was decent at $2.50 definitely not the best that I have had during my stay here it certainly wasn’t crap either!

 

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After about an hour it had died down to a small drizzle so we wandered back to the hotel to meet up with dad. I then spent about an hour or so getting him up to date on the ongoing cricket game and getting the stats for him to enter into his book which saw us into late afternoon. As dad had skipped lunch due to the rain we decided on having an early dinner so it was out for a light dinner, we were originally planning on going to The Office again however ended up going to the place pretty much next door at the back of the Art Market called De Quake. The food here was slightly more expensive ($5 – $8) but they had a reasonable menu even if I did have to change my order as they no longer had salad. Seems like a slightly more upmarket place with an upstairs area, place for live music and cushions on the ground in some sections for a relaxed and intimate dining experience, and from Heemi’s report they know how to cook steak.

We chose a table at the back that looked out over the water and quietly sipped on fruit milkshakes and juices whilst we waited for our dinner. Took a bit but overall I think it was worth the wait and for a group I think this is definitely a good place to kick back and watch the sunset over a good meal. As it was his last evening here Heemi and I decided to head out for a few celebratory drinks so we parted ways with dad at the entrance to the Art Market a walk he was now rather familiar with and that I didn’t feel bad leaving him to do as the hotel was just around the corner. In the end we ended up back at the bar we had tried out the previous night, reasonably quiet with a pool table on one side at the back and a small dance floor which did not seem to get a great deal of use during our time there. In the end though you can’t keep something buried forever.

I am sorry that my slightly dour mood was a bit of a let down for your final night there my friend. I can say however that upon reflection my choice to remain alone is definitely not one of penance. Do I wish things turned out differently, of course I do. I however am not totally responsible for how they turned out a lot of the time I never felt like an important part or someone she wanted in her life and her actions certainly never helped in that regard and in the end I think she was scared.

I can say however that it is hard to want something for nearly half of your life, have it and find that it is absolutely amazing and then just walk away feeling you can do it again with another. Once upon a time I would have thought that I deserved what I got, or deserved to be alone but I have not been that person for some time now. I deserve a lot better, I also know that I can get a lot better however I also know that for that level of a relationship you have to be able to give yourself to another completely and I know right now it is not something that I can do, part of me doesn’t ever want to either which doesn’t help.

I had made the choice 4 years ago to wait and see what happened and didn’t date throughout that period, I have my answer now and for that I am happy that I do have closure in a sense even if the outcome does hurt and right now the choice I make is to be alone. There is a small part of me that wonders if it is the old you deserve it side showing it’s ugly head again but I can say I am not wallowing in the darkness that ruled me the last time around, nor do I actually think I deserve it; I think it is rational and logical as right now even if I wanted to looking at getting into a relationship with anyone would be a fundamentally bad idea and I have never really been one for casual dating.

I am sorry we called the night early on the back of that, but I did appreciate your conversation and my apologies for my mood on your last evening in the tropical island paradise.

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