I hope this does get easier

Been spending the evening reading a bit of poetry trying to get a better understanding of various techniques, structures, styles and how rhyming is used as I hadn’t really done anything with it since high school and I find at least attempting even if at the moment it does seem like a butchery of the genre at least to myself it does help in trying to find an outlet for that which is held within. Read a few poems by E E Cummings, whilst I definitely wouldn’t call him a traditionalist in any sense of the word. The style whilst to me there doesn’t really seem to be one he does seem to tie things together somewhat nicely with the various pieces.

I thought I had heard of him somewhere before, and sadly I remembered.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful, you are my world, my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

~ E. E. Cummings ~

“Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world” –¬†Gautama Buddha

When this was first shared with me it made me feel absolutely amazing, but now, now it cuts into my soul as deep and true as an intricately folded ancient katana. I spent the better half of the last decade playing something that I was not allowing all that I loved to become shattered and broken within, I’ll be damned if I repeat the same mistakes again so dear gods I hope this gets easier as time goes on because whilst I can honestly say I am not miserable or unhappy overall I can say that it takes a lot to keep my mental state drifting that way and barely going a week between feeling like this doesn’t make matters any easier.

I originally started this blog as a means to become less introverted, it’s first few years of existence did not see much fruition in that regard but I have definitely been trying this last year to get things out; Be they things I find interesting, things I have been thinking about or have experienced or even my attempts at writing.

Sorry for the occasional ick emotional state posts, this is my attempt at not keeping things bottled up so much and I do try to keep the ratio favored to the other side of the coin. I have spent so long not liking myself, and then finally coming to terms with myself and what I wanted and needed out of life but still making the decision to keep it hidden away from a select few that in a sense I wasn’t truly living or being true to myself; I can say with absolute certainty that I am not ashamed of who I am, nor will I keep the things I think about bottled away inside.

I’m odd; And different. In a lot of ways I do not conform to social norms or expectations, and the last decade was all about that for the most part this one I am simply me, I don’t expect everyone to like or understand that and I am ok with that.

I hope that everyone has had a great weekend.

One Response to I hope this does get easier

  • Kev says:

    I’m liking your blog mate, and you know what? It’s not uncommon for people to bottle things up, some more or less than others, and even if you do bottle things up, it’s ok as long as you do have a release of that somehow, before it bottles up tot he point that it hurts yourself.

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