Hello, it has been awhile…

Ah emotions how more often than not I loathe thee…

I know I have mentioned previously my issues with processing emotions especially depending on their severity which is what lead me to apathy in the beginning and overall whilst it hasn’t been easy I have done pretty well with not surpressing and actually dealing with things.  Tonights feeling is one that dominated my younger years and whilst it had popped up this last year it hasn’t been anywhere near as strong as tonight.

And like back then I still do not understand it as it logically doesn’t make sense to me, but I am lonely and a lonliness which eats at me inside. Sitting here in Fremantle there is a lot of people around yet I find myself sitting apart like I don’t fit in or belong and whilst I wouldn’t want someone to share in misery I would like someone to share things with.

I have these people of course in my life but it still feels like I am missing something,  even far more frustrating is the fact that I am more myself than I have ever been,  I’m me and I’m not missing pieces what makes me who I am anymore yet this consuming feeling of lonliness and crushing isolation remains and doesn’t make sense.

But I can say it is a feeling that I will not run from or allow to get the better of me and do stupid things like it did in the past,  at the very least I would like to think I have grown past that now but it is definitely worth mediating on and trying to clear things away.

Perhaps it is just the last week and a half of about 2 – 4.5 hours of broken sleep catching up on me. At any rate it is the weekend and I hope that everyone has an amazing one.

Even my cat appears to be in a mood tonight, can barely type this by her driving her face into my hands as I am typing, she won’t leave me alone  and keeps headbutting my chin, getting pats, licking  me and is even shedding a few tears.

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