Ramblings for Today

“Religion, society, nature; these are the three struggles of man. These three conflicts are, at the same time, his three needs: it is necessary for him to believe, hence the temple; it is necessary for him to create, hence the city; it is necessary for him to live, hence the plow and the ship. But these three solutions contain three conflicts. The mysterious difficulty of life springs from all three. Man has to deal with obstacles under the form of superstition, under the form of prejudice, and under the form of the elements. A triple ananke (necessity) weighs upon us, the ananke of dogmas, the ananke of laws, the ananke of things. In “Notre Dame de Paris” the author has denounced the first; in “Les Misérables” he has pointed out the second; in this book (Toilers of the Sea) he indicates the third. With these three fatalities which envelop man is mingled the interior fatality, that supreme ananke, the human heart.”
– Hauteville House, March, 1866. Victor Hugo, Toilers of the Sea, 1866


I’ve often questioned the notion of free will, we all have the innate ability to make a choice; Sometimes it will be the right one, sometimes it will be the wrong one. Life often presents us with situations and events that are outside of our realm of control, even times that we feel unable to make a choice on something either way so we don’t; the thing is that in itself is also a choice. The world with all it’s splendor and beauty innately strives to find a balance, and however complex all the places, people, life and systems that make up this world however in the end like all complex systems it does have a degree of predictability. Sometimes it looks as though the world is a giant domino set placed across the globe, seemingly isolated and unrelated can both be brought down with the right domino falling in the right place. There are some things which tend to be unpredictable, even in people; However in knowning that as a variable it can be quantified and these individuals tend to go against the mold, so whilst it may seem to the casual observer that it is random there can be a degree of predictability to the unpredictable.

So does free will truly exist?

In the intricate tapestry that is our existance is the connections we make with those, and the world around us truly our choice. Or instead is the choice(s) that we make expected, even when we don’t know which way we will turn; Or not turn at all. Is the chaotic world we really live in not really a chaotic system but instead a chessboard. Whilst the order in which the moves are made may not be completely known each of the steps along the way can be predicted and in knowing your oponent in the game you can have an understanding from each move they make what the following will be; Even if a mistake is made sometimes it is still possible to proceed to checkmate. In the context of the world however can it really be a chess board, we are each the master and player of our own game, but also a pawn in a multidimensional chess board. We move our pieces forward, sometimes into the boards of others in which we have an impact on the course of their movements. Moving ever forward, or not at all; Choosing to remain stagnant and motionless which then can have an effect on the flow of the others around you.

Moirai; The sisters of fate from Greek mythology (along with their various representations in contemporary cultures) weave the tapestry of our multiverse, and in their infinite story even the gods are but threads to weave intertwining and interacting making their mark on the world and the lives of others when it is required.

This is a song that holds a lot of meaning to me. It is a representation of the person that I not necessarily chose, but through inaction being my choice made me.

I have been called a lot of things throughout my life; Stubborn, arrogant, humble, strong, intelligent, wise, an asshole, happy, upbeat, feared, and even amazing/wonderful. This song holds a lot of meaning because I had chosen to become something that I wasn’t; hollow and faceless. Faith in myself is something that I’ve never had, whilst I have been thankful for the compliments I have received, criticisms have also been accurate and those have been easier to believe and take to heart, and the compliments dismissed as incorrect or just a matter of opinion. To those who have called me strong, whilst I can be a rock; Solid, unmovable, providing strength, and support. The truth is far from that, I am weak and a coward. Something taken as a strength, going with the flow; Water off a ducks back and preferring to allow things to take their course, providing advice and general support is what I believe to be a weakness. I make the cowards choice in choosing not to act. I try to do no harm, I’d rather do damage to myself in the form of doubt, uncertainty, and fear than face the prospect of hurting someone else. But sometimes this choice causes the harm I try to avoid, there are many choices that I’ve made in the past, and choices that I failed to make has caused pain and made it feel like I really can’t do anything right and because of that I gave up and because of that I became one of the hollow and faceless.

I am neither light nor dark, strong nor weak, wise nor naieve. I am flawed, and imperfect; But I am me and I shall be what I need to be. A student, philosopher, warrior, and servant of Ananke

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